


Just Breathe

by buckydiaz (sailormade)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Family Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Trans Evan "Buck" Buckley, eddie being tender(tm)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21926053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailormade/pseuds/buckydiaz
Summary: Oneshots surrounding Buck, Eddie, Christopher, and their (growing) family. Features the Firefam!
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 20
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first (uploaded) foray into 911 fic! Just a short, sweet little oneshot. Pretty, pretty please let me know what you guys think. ♥ 
> 
> Also, I've been on a Trans Buck kick lately. :sparkles:

“Hey, Buck, look at me," Eddie said gently. "It's okay, you're okay. Did you have a nightmare?” 

The time on Eddie's phone read 23:45. Or, in civilian terms, 11:45 P.M., _fifteen minutes till' midnight._ Eddie figured that he couldn't have been asleep for more than an hour when Buck's screaming tore him from sleep and hurled him into consciousness—which wasn't to say that Eddie was irked. Or cross. More than anything else, Eddie was concerned; It'd been three years and a handful of months since the tsunami, and Buck hadn't woken up screaming like this in well over a year. 

"I lost him again," Buck said, sounding distant. His voice wavered.

The tears that rolled down his flushed, damp cheeks shattered Eddie's heart. "I lost Christopher again. I keep losing him. Why do I keep losing him?" 

Some wounds never healed, regardless of time; As an Army Veteran, Eddie knew that better than anyone. He still had days where he couldn't bare to look at his Silver Star, where he couldn't so much as think the names of the men that bled out between his fingers. It seemed that Buck's Silver Star was and would always be the moment that Christopher was knocked overboard and swept down-river. Eddie couldn't imagine a greater Hell, but it wasn't Buck's fault. He still couldn't understand why Buck couldn't see that. 

Eddie scooted to Buck's side of the bed and said, "Baby, no. You didn't lose him. You found him, and you saved him, but you didn't lose him. The water swept him away. _And you rescued him._ It's okay. He's okay. You're okay." 

"I lost him, Eddie!" Buck half-whispered, half shouted; He dissolved into sobs. "I lost our son! I lost him before he was even mine! What if I lose our baby, too? I lose everyone!" 

Their baby. She'd been a surprise, that's for damn sure. Two different doctors had told Buck that, because of his testosterone injections and HRT, he couldn't get pregnant. Not without some serious effort on his and Eddie's part, anyway. But, Evan Buckley always did have a habit of throwing curve balls. . . For the majority of his pregnancy, Buck had seemed perfectly fine; He hadn't mentioned any excessive anxieties. Or nightmares. 

"C'mere," Eddie said, gently pulling Buck into his arms. "Our girl is fine. Christopher is fine. We're all just fine. Breathe for me." 

"I can't," Buck said through his sobs. "I can't breathe. Eddie, I can't, I can't breathe."

"Sssh, yes you can, my love. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe with me, honey. You're okay." 

Eddie could feel the large, heavy swell of Buck's belly pressed against his side; Their daughter was kicking up a storm. It felt like she was doing damn backflips. He hoped that Buck could feel her too, through his haze of fear. 

Fifteen long minutes crawled by, and Eddie held Buck all the while, stroking his hair and whispering soft words of encouragement against his temple until Buck's sobbing eased into crying, and his crying eased into sniffling. Eddie waited until Buck's breathing evened out to speak. 

“You want to talk about it?” He asked. 

Predictably, Buck shook his head. He rarely wanted to talk about his nightmares, but Eddie offered to listen anyway. He needed Buck to know that the offer, the opportunity, was there. And it always would be. 

“Wanna’ talk about something else, then?” 

Buck nodded against Eddie’s chest. 

“Alright," Eddie began. "Remind me, dear husband of mine, what’d we do after dinner?” 

“Hm?” 

“You heard me. After dinner. What’d we do?” 

He felt Buck smile against his chest. “You know what we did.” 

“Humor me.” 

“Me and Chris made no-bake cookies," Buck said. "And you started putting his and Denny’s insane Easter baskets together.” 

“Okay, and then what?” 

Buck chuckled. “Then you gave Christopher a bath because he was covered in flour and chocolate and syrup. And because I can’t put my own shoes on anymore, let alone give a kid a bath.” 

“Then what?” Eddie asked again. 

Buck huffed. “Then we read him a bedtime story. Are we gonna' do a whole play by play of our evening, Eddie? Cause I gotta' say, we'll be up all night.” 

Eddie asked Buck a final question, "Do you know why?"

“Why we read our son a bedtime story?” 

“Yeah, Buck. Why do we bake cookies together and put together crazy Easter baskets that’re going to last about fifteen minutes and read our kid a hundred different stories before bed?” 

Buck shrugged. "I don't know, babe. Why?" 

“Because we’re a family. Because we love each other, and we support each other, and we want to make each other as happy as we can," Eddie took Buck's chin between his thumb and forefinger and made him meet his gaze. "Listen to me, Evan Buckley. You didn’t lose Christopher. Or me. Or our baby girl. We’re a family, and we’re gonna’ stay that way. And in about three weeks, give or take a day, our family is gonna’ be just a little bit bigger. So, please. Don't punish yourself up over nothing. You've been nothing but a godsend. If you're going to believe anything, believe that. And believe me when I say that there isn't anyone else in this world that I'd rather spend my life with.” 

Buck surged forward and kissed him, fierce at first, but it melted quickly into something sweet and warm. Eddie smiled into his husband’s mouth. 

“Go to sleep. I’m right here. And, to recap, our son is asleep, perfectly fine, in his bedroom down the hall. You've got nothing to worry about." 

“I love you.” Buck said, and it was the most beautiful sound that Eddie had ever heard. 

“Yo también te quiero,” He replied, and he meant it with every piece of his heart, soul, and blood. "I love you too." 

. 

. 

. 

_Ten Minutes Later._

“Eddie?” 

“Hm?” 

“Will you make me a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, please? And bring me a couple of those no bake cookies? I'm starving.” 

"You're lucky I love you."


	2. Quick Question !!

> **HEY GUYS** _**!**_

Would any of ya'll be interested in reading the prequel to this little oneshot? It'd be a long, multi-chapter fic that starts during the season three finale and continues onward.

This oneshot was originally intended to be _just_ a oneshot, but I got a liiittle extra inspiration and decided I'd make it a cute little series, but _then_ I got hit by the inspiration TRAIN and I have a lot of writing muse and ideas for a prequel, lmao. I have a couple of subplots I'd really like to try out, too. It'd be like a season four, almost? 

IDK YA'LL.

LEMME KNOW.

love u. ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Additional side-note; Wrote this while high on sinus meds at like 22:30. I'm also in the Navy myself & have spent the last two weeks studying/memorizing shit nonstop. My brain is scrambled eggs. Please be gentle. Lmao.


End file.
